On the 14th of January we passed the one year anniversary of my husband’s return from Afghanistan.
I wanted to write a blog post filled with beautiful pictures of our reunited family from his homecoming ceremony,
But as I looked through all of the pictures one by one, the words just wouldn’t come.
Why couldn’t I write about this deployment as I had all of the others?
When I sat down a few weeks ago to write a recap of 2012, I felt much the same way.
Each time I sat down to write, the words just wouldn’t come.
So many exciting things had happened!
Why couldn’t I find a way to share them?
The truth is, this past year has been really difficult.
Probably one of the most challenging in our eight years of marriage.
I chalked it all up to the stress of reintegration, an overseas move, and buying our first home.
(Just your normal, average, military life, kinda, stressful, type stuff. Right?)
I remember watching all of the moving boxes as they were unloaded into our house mid July.
I’m sure once we’re settled in, it’ll all get easier – right?
But for some reason, it didn’t seem to get better as the moving boxes slowly disappeared.
In september, I found myself crying at my yearly medical checkup. Something is wrong. I shouldn’t feel this way. Why does it feel like we’re still going through reintegration 8 months later? She referred us to marriage counseling.
I thought she was being sneaky to get my husband involved. I knew I was showing signs of depression. I was tired all the time. I was crying more than usual. Which meant my husband was more than frustrated most of the time. Why aren’t things getting done? Why are you still in your pajamas? Why are we living out of laundry baskets? Is this how you live when I’m deployed?
So he came with me for “her appointment” to find out how to help me work through whatever was bothering me.
Weeks became months and things started getting better. Our communication improved. I started feeling a lot better. I tackled the garage full of boxes with gusto. I was going to sort, purge, and organize every. single. box. Finally things were looking up.
But with every step forward we seemed to take, new obstacles seemed to appear out of no where.
We continued to argue and disagree about nearly everything.
And it made the counseling sessions both helpful and infuriating.
Why aren’t things improving? We’ve been doing this for THREE LONG MONTHS!
The counselor just continued to be impartial,
encouraging us to listen to each other,
and reminding us over and over to fight fairly.
And then. A few days ago. We hit a turning point.
While sorting through the last few stacks of unorganized paper from our move, a discovery was made. My husband found a valentine’s day card from my 30th birthday – nearly 3 years ago. Inside was a sweet letter he had written about our beautiful children and the warm home we had created together. How our lives together would never be dull and I was his one and only love.
He waited until later that evening, after the kids were in bed, to tell me about the card.
Then he said something I didn’t see coming…
I don’t recognize the person who wrote this letter.
What I mean is, I don’t feel emotions like this anymore.
And we need to figure out why.
We sat there on our couch and talked for a long time.
And slowly but surely, the mysterious dark cloud that had been over our head for twelve. long. months…
seemed to shape itself into a tunnel with a light in the distance.
Which brings us to the present. We are still trying to figure out what this discovery means.
And with his permission, I will be sharing some of this journey so others who find themselves on this road won’t feel alone.
…
During 2012 the number of suicide deaths were higher than the number of those who died in Afghanistan.
If you or anyone that you know are suffering from depression or having suicidal thoughts – please – ask for help.
Veterans and their family can call the Veteran’s Crisis Hotline as well as the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
You are not alone.
…
January 21, 2013 at 6:27 am
We will pray for you guys. I am happy he was able to ask you for help! Thats the hardest part.
Sarah recently posted..Brothers Grimm and Hanau
January 21, 2013 at 7:38 am
Asking for help was honestly pretty easy –
it’s getting the help we NEED to work through all of this that is proving to be a much. BIGGER. challenge.
#comingtoablognearyou
January 21, 2013 at 2:32 pm
It drives me crazy that help for our military is so hard to come by. The right help at that. I hope you guys are able to find it. The struggle becomes easier. Prayers!
Sarah recently posted..Brothers Grimm and Hanau
January 21, 2013 at 6:49 am
I’m glad you’re seeing the light now. *hug*
Hallee the Homemaker recently posted..Improvements
January 21, 2013 at 6:49 am
*A* light, not *the* light.
Hallee the Homemaker recently posted..Improvements
January 21, 2013 at 7:31 am
Thank you Hallee! The hardest part of all of this was feeling like there wasn’t a timeline to work through. With a deployment you KNOW when it will end – but with reintegration afterwards, there is no telling how long the effects will last.
January 22, 2013 at 9:14 am
One thing to consider as well: In a “normal”, non-military, totally removed from the stresses of war, the 7th-8th year are uber hard on marriages. Nothing is the same as it was 3 or 4 years ago, young children suck your life away and change your relationship dynamics. NOW – add eleven years of war and multiple absences, being removed from familiar environments to a totally foreign land, etc., to an eight-year marriage with three small children. It’s good that you guys sought help and I pray that you will reconnect and forge a new relationship dynamics – not necessarily rediscover how it used to be.
Hallee the Homemaker recently posted..Facebook Sucks Follow-Up: Homemaking with Hallee on Google+
January 21, 2013 at 7:17 am
Praying for you. Beautifully written and so very honest and open. I hope that you both get back to the place where you were when that card was written. xxxxx
January 21, 2013 at 7:35 am
The hardest part for me all these months was feeling like I was completely responsible for all of our challenges. Now we can move forward together and know that “War” is the reason we are struggling – not the designation of chores and parenting responsibilities.
January 21, 2013 at 7:17 am
Ah…we know this all too well. Or at least I do. Tanker has yet to make the realization that something in him has changed. He’s only focused on the physical; not yet made it to the emotional and mental.
As I said on FB: many, many, many hugs headed your way.
Jess recently posted..What Is This!?!
January 21, 2013 at 7:24 am
Thank you for sharing that you understand what we’re going through! I am starting to realize that this very issue is A LOT bigger and more common among active duty families than anyone realizes!
January 21, 2013 at 9:39 am
Ann,
We are going through the same thing right now, trying to figure out what we need to do. Thank for writing this and hopefully I can learn something from you guys.
January 21, 2013 at 8:46 pm
I am not a doctor – but I can say that marriage counseling has been a great first step to open the lines of communication for us. As for where to go from here?
Stay tuned – maybe share this post with your spouse – and I’ll let you know how things unfold as our journey continues!
January 21, 2013 at 2:22 pm
There is still the stigma of PTSD, unfortunately…and too many don’t want to admit that it’s a problem they have. Even bigger problem: the symptoms of PTSD go hand in hand with depression. PTSD is vastly misunderstood, misdiagnosed and overlooked. That little survey they take tells nothing.
I could go on and on and on about the whole thing but I’ll leave it at this: If you want to hold it together, fight for as long and as hard as you can. Don’t lose yourself, but don’t just let go either.
Jess recently posted..Oh My!
January 21, 2013 at 8:58 pm
Yes there IS a stigma and a reaction whenever someone mentions or simply asks questions about PTSD.
There is also a stigma and a reaction whenever someone mentions being in marriage counseling. Like it’s a last resort for a sinking Titanic! Reaching out to get help to improve our relationships after military induced separations should be expected.
I wish these challenges were more of a public conversation instead of quiet discussions we confide in our close friends. Reintegration programs after deployments need to include assessments of the health and welfare of the veterans families.
January 21, 2013 at 7:23 am
Thanks for sharing with us. I also want others to know that this happens regardless of how long you’ve been with the military…either in it or married to it! We’ve been at it for almost 20 years now. Hang in there! You will certainly grow and learn and kudos for you both for COMMUNICATING with each other! That’s where most of us have trouble…
Life Lessons of a Military Wife recently posted..BMW xDrive Cup – Watch yourself ski in Garmisch (and track all your ski miles all over the Alps)
January 21, 2013 at 7:39 am
Thank you so much for sharing this story. Your story sounds similar to ours except we did not handle it quite as elegantly and are now separated. We were both incredibly stressed out, he with his unit’s harassment (we came home from London and gotten sick and his SGT told him “We’re going to give you a PT test and we don’t think you’re going to pass it, so we’re going to start your separation papers from the Army) and I was stressed because in addition to cutting my hours at work, I had to watch someone get an award for the work I had done with the Warrior Zone program and I felt unappreciated at work and then at home, on top of me taking a full course-load of online classes trying to finish my degree so that I don’t have to keep starting from the bottom every time we move. He was depressed, I was depressed and finally he came home one day, no kisses, no hugs, no, “Hey babe,” no “I loves you, Honeydoodles.” He said we needed marriage counseling and I agreed to go. Then, something changed in him and he decided he didn’t want marriage counseling, he just wanted a divorce, and two weeks later, he basically kicked me out, put me on a plane to my mother’s house in May. He told me he hated me, he never loved and I make him miserable. I knew he was lying, but what could I do? I knew there was no one else, so that wasn’t an issue.
In August, he confessed that he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder back in April and they gave him the wrong meds (thanks, Baumholder) and he wanted to get rid of me because he “had a plan.” Me, I thought something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure, so I had our neighbors and friends calling him and stopping by the house to check on him. He said he still wanted a divorce and I said to him “I know you said you hated me, but I don’t believe you. You said you never loved me and that’s a bold faced lie because you showed me you loved me every single day. I know that you’re angry with me for some reason and you’ve fallen out of love with me, but I don’t for one second believe that you can just stop loving someone.” Then he said “I never stopped loving you. But I have to get my head together, but I’m coming back to you.”
We are still in limbo; he still refuses marriage counseling, but he is going to a therapist, although, only once a month which I think he needs more than that. People keep telling me I “deserve better.” And I know I do. I’m not saying I was the perfect wife, not by any means. I nagged quite a bit. But I know that the treatment I’ve received from him the past several months, I don’t deserve. But I’m not ready to give up on our marriage. I’m not ready to give up on him. I still believe in him. So what I do is let him know that I’m here when and if he needs me, and I focus on me, how to be a better person spiritually, physically and emotionally, so when he does come around (yes, I have hope) I’ll be stronger and will have gotten something from all the pain. I’ve learned to let go of the anger and resentment I felt towards him and everyone for everything, take responsibility for my actions and contributions to his mental state and to be more of a positive force in his life. I pray every day and night for our marriage because that’s all I can do right now. There’s no separation or divorce paperwork, so, I have hope.
January 21, 2013 at 7:44 am
Sorry, for the spammage, but I just realized that my lazy copy/paste method of inputting my website input both my blogs and makes the page unavailable. http://girlatwar.blogspot.com and http://thegirlatwar.wordpress.com
Okay, I’m done with the spam, lmao.
Kiki recently posted..News Release: Battle Tested & Heartbroken Revised
January 21, 2013 at 7:48 am
There are tears in my eyes and goosebumps on my arms. I want to hug you and tell you it’s going to be ok – but as you already know as a military spouse, there are no guarantees in this life – all there is for certain, is HOPE.
You are so brave to continue to fight and be supportive of your husband. I am so proud of you for finding the courage to continue to reach out to him because you’re absolutely right – this is the time that he needs you the most. It will ultimately be his choice to learn and grow back to the person he once was – and as long as he is still trying and working towards that – there will be hope for a future together.
((hugs)) Just keep putting one foot in front of the other sister!
January 21, 2013 at 7:41 am
Oh, and I’ll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Focusing on school and creative writing has really helped me quite a bit.
January 21, 2013 at 7:51 am
Thank you! I’ve been keeping a journal!
January 21, 2013 at 8:01 am
Ann, you and your family have been and will continue to be in our prayers. By sharing your life story through the years on your blog you have opened many eyes, hearts, doors, etc. to the joys and challenges of the military lifestyle. Your writing allows you and your readers to cope through the tough times and rejoice during the glad times TOGETHER. Sending a big ol’ hug
January 21, 2013 at 8:21 am
Thank you Kirsten!
One of the most important things I learned through our PWOC bible studies during those first few years of marriage at Fort Leonardwood is that we are never alone in our experiences as Military Spouses. We just need to reach out and share our fears so that others can encourage us to just. keep. going!
January 21, 2013 at 8:37 am
Thank you so much for sharing, you are not alone in this transition. It’s so hard to find the new normal. Love and hugs from Germany!
January 21, 2013 at 8:41 am
Thank you for writing this. I think it’s something so many of us go through but doesn’t often get written about honestly.
January 21, 2013 at 9:11 pm
The only way to change that is by starting a conversation in public – or joining one like the comments on this post. Thank you for being a source of encouragement!
January 21, 2013 at 8:44 am
yes. understand all this – wishing we were at your point, but so far… we are trying to get through this and the upcoming retirement as well; and getting into grad school; and too much volunteering… and more and more and more…
LAW
January 21, 2013 at 9:25 pm
(hugs) Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that you are not alone.
January 21, 2013 at 8:56 am
What an amazing post! My husband is a chaplain and he hears these kinds of stories a lot. It must take a lot of courage to share your story so publicly but I have no doubt that there are many out there who will be encouraged by feeling that they have your “company” in the middle of it. You are amazing and you are a blessing to military families including mine.
Kristi recently posted..The Potential of Dirt
January 21, 2013 at 9:11 am
Ann,
This post hits remarkably close to home. I am writing my experiences right now and hope to one day share them as well, when the wounds have healed a little more. Wishing you and Seth peace and strength as you walk your journey.
January 23, 2013 at 7:52 am
(hugs) Thank you for sharing your voice. My journal has kept me sane. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that you are not alone.
January 21, 2013 at 9:31 am
Tears are in my eyes as I read your story. My husband came home for R&R this Christmas and things were unusual. We have never been the “Perfect” couple, but we were always us. Our life has always been a roller coaster since the moment we met. We met in April Fell in love by June, Deployed in November, Came back in May and we moved in together. Pregnant by August Baby in April, Pregnant again, Baby next June, year of rest pregnant again, Last Baby born April 2012. Deployment in June, Moved myself and Four kids into new home in August and life has been rolling ever since. I know that was long and I am sorry. So reading your story and everything you went through made me cry. Now that my husband is gone again we are keeping the lines of communication open and I am making sure he knows that I worry about when he comes home for good. His two week R&R was filled with distance, anger, and arguments. We have agreed to do all that we can to make it better, and reading your story give me hope. Thank you for posting!
January 21, 2013 at 10:33 am
Huge hugs, friend. I’m so grateful there seems to be light. It happened to us, too. xoxo
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting recently posted..Slow Cooker Potatoes Au Gratin
January 21, 2013 at 10:59 am
Thank you for sharing. I am praying for your family to be whole again. So many husbands will not go to the Counselor with their wives. Kudos to yours for taking that first step. This military life we lead is awesome, but their are somethings we all have to walk through. Praying.
January 21, 2013 at 11:28 am
I pray you all continue to work through this. Deployments are so tough on families. I pray through your story others will get the help they need. Thanks for putting your heart and life out for people to read. Praying for your family…as a military spouse I pray we get more programs out there to help families.
January 21, 2013 at 12:02 pm
I understand completely. I went through the same things, however we did not handle it nearly as well. We ended up with a horrible counselor and my husband thought that the counselors silence was approval. I know I was a big part of the problem and I vowed to work on it. I did improve but never to his standard. He would never see that he was a part of the problem as well as me. Due to a difference of opinion on how to raise our unborn child he decided to file for divorce. I am now 7 months pregnant and getting ready to start a new job, living with family and trying to get on my feet. He has offered no support through any of the pregnancy and is trying to rush things which will leave me with very little to get by after the baby is born. I am doing my best to stay positive and let the hurt and anger go. However the fear is still there.I do not want my child to have to go through what I went through.
I have to commend your husband for realizing he could work on it as well. It takes an amazing man to realize he is part of the problem and be willing to put forth the effort that is required to improve the situation. I know the road you are on is never an easy one but with support and love it is passable.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding me I am not alone and my marriage is not the only one that was tested in this way.
Prayers, love, and lots of Hugs are coming your way.
January 21, 2013 at 12:15 pm
Oh my. My heart goes out to you. I really am sorry that you have to go through this, and with your baby. I wish there were something I could do for all of you ladies and gents, even if it’s just a hug. As much as it hurts, we are all going to be okay. Maybe not now or as soon as we’d like, but we will. And I can see you’re strong, thinking about your baby first. Much love and respect. All of you are in my prayers tonight.
<3
Kiki recently posted..News Release: Battle Tested & Heartbroken Revised
January 23, 2013 at 7:58 am
Although I dont know you, my heart is broken for you. I am so glad you have family who will support you through this difficult transition. Make sure when things start to settle down that you seek help to talk about everything you’ve been through and will be going through. I hope the man you married finds help so he can grow to become the best parent he can be to your beautiful unborn child. (hugs)
January 21, 2013 at 12:18 pm
I’m crying!!!! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure that it will reach other couples and let them know they are not alone and it is possible to overcome hardship.
Praying and wishing the best for you and your family.
Kate recently posted..My Blog Anniversary Has A Big Announcement!
January 21, 2013 at 12:18 pm
Hi, Ann! I’m a friend of Sarah’s, and you and I actually met once upon a time at MLP’s first Mom’s Night Out for Mother’s Day! Anyway, I just wanted to say that I think you are courageous for sharing this all so publicly, and with such openness and candor. I have no experience as a military spouse, but I am 33 years old and nearly 11 years into this marriage thing, and we’ve definitely been affected by issues like depression and misplaced feelings of intimacy and emotional connection. You are not alone in your pain and struggle, but I hope that you won’t get stuck in that place, but will rather find hope and healing and happiness in your relationship once again <3
January 21, 2013 at 1:03 pm
This is rough stuff. The lifestyle is tough for so many, deployment or not. So much change, so much doing without getting to ask, so much, so much, so much. I’m in it, and I’ve been there myself. I have had the dumb fortune to claw my way out on my own, but I know that, should I encounter those feelings again, help is a must. I am rooting for you and yours. Family is so important. I wish you all the best.
January 21, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Thank you for writing this. <3 My husband came home about a month and a half ago and went right back to normal immediately. I, however, struggle everyday and I can't explain why. It's good know I'm not alone.
amanda @ fake ginger recently posted..Birthday Cake Marshmallows
January 21, 2013 at 2:11 pm
You are definitely not alone. It’s happened to more families than I can count – us included. It makes you wonder why the Tricare site specifically states they do not cover marriage counseling. Well, Tricare is a whole other issue, isn’t it?
January 21, 2013 at 2:45 pm
Thank you so much for this honest and open post. I have to say I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders as I read this. I hate that you are going through this, but I am also thankful to find out that I am not the only one who has dealt with this and afraid I will have to deal with it again. My husband is currently on his 4th deployment in the last 10 years and not due to come home till at least this summer but possibly as late as November. When he came home from the last deployment it took us almost a year to get back into a groove again and find some semblance of happy again, and now in October he left again. I am worried how we will get through it again this time when he gets home. Thanks for the honesty and I wish I lived close enough to hug you and tell you that you seem to be on the right track and you are not the only one dealing with this. I look forward to continuing your journey with you and maybe even getting a few pointers for when it is my turn again.
(HUGS)
January 21, 2013 at 2:52 pm
I’m so proud of you two for not only seeking help, but for continuing to try to keep your lines of communication open. It’s not always easy to keep trying.
It took me 2.5 years to sit my husband down and tell him that things weren’t right and I couldn’t keep pretending they were. It took him a little more time after that to tell me that he wasn’t right and needed help.
I can’t tell you that the journey is always easy. Sometimes when the door to communication opens, it closes again. But sticking together and working together is what matters.
You are not alone. There are so many of us who are going through this, and for some reason, so many of us go through it silently. I’m so glad that your husband is comfortable letting you write about this so that you might help others. Even if it’s just to know that they are not alone, that can be all the difference in the world.
Annie recently posted..The Ups and Downs
January 21, 2013 at 3:23 pm
Thank you for writing this. You are not alone.
Stacy F recently posted..It’s Happened
January 21, 2013 at 3:26 pm
We went through the same thing when we moved to Germany. Dealing with reintegration and the culture shock of moving to a foreign country, made the “healing” part really hard. It took us almost 2 years to get help. And honestly we’re still dealing with it. Aaron is just now coming around to see we’ve both changed. But we’re committed to this and we understand there will be bumps in the road. Just got to work through it.
Hang in there girlie! I’ll be thinking about you and you can buzz me anytime.
Kim Kravitz recently posted..Just a little reblogging
January 21, 2013 at 4:06 pm
After My husband’s third deployment, we hit a milestone – more time together than apart. That is one rough milestone. Between deployments and training, we never spent a considerable amount of time together. So when we finally ‘had’ to, it came as a surprise that it was more work than being apart. So much time spent on only worrying about himself (meals, cleaning, clothes, daily things) made it hard to blend back into our lives. It will be a work in progress until it’s not anymore. There are no time lines. There are only steps forward. Even if we take steps back first.
My concern is for the people who have been changed by war and don’t want to confront it. Or don’t know what to do next. What can the military do to help EVERYONE? Because, let’s be honest, we didn’t think there would be a problem. We’ve never had a problem like this before. We talk about everything and hide nothing. Yet here we are today, still a work in progress. Reintigration needs to be overhauled. But it won’t be. Especially if we are ‘drawing down’. All I can do is keep volunteering within the military communities to make sure something better is always done.
Ou military community looks up to you and your adventures. Letting them into your life is not only educational, but humbling. Thank you for sharing your most valued secrets. You have much love to share and receive.
January 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm
We have yet to experience a deployment…but expect one within the next year or so. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your honesty and openness on your blog, especially within this post.
Also, it took me almost a year to talk to my doctor about depression/anxiety, and that was just the amount of time that passed since I acknowledged it…it was probably 3-5 times longer that I was experience symptoms. I made 3 appointments before actually showing up and talking about it. Even just acknowledging it to someone else was a huge relief off my shoulders, and I realized that the stigma I grew up with, “Crazy people see counselors, etc” was such BS. I didn’t feel crazy, I felt so much more ‘myself’ for seeing someone. I wish more people I know would be able to experience that.
Thank you again for sharing.
January 21, 2013 at 8:36 pm
Thank you Ann Marie for your sharing the deeply important issues facing military families. I found you site 10 months ago when I was struggling with depression myself. My 53 year old husband was called to active duty after 12 years away from full time Army life, and while he has remained stateside, and I have been able to go visit him, we are both struggling with this separation. We can’t even blame a War. But for us,the reality being pulled out of our every day lives has been painful. We have lost our common language as husband and wife, our ability to communicate is diminished. We live very seperate lives, not by choice. I recently realized that I had an expectation,when he returns in April, that magically we would just be better, I know we will not, with out some help and time. I worry greatly that when he returns to civilian life he will be looked down upon as less, because he did not deploy overseas, and that the job he returns to will be less than what he left. And that Im too worn out from carrying the homefront load alone, that I will have nothing left for him. And I worry that we may have grown too far apart to come back together again. No, my story is not like your story, but it is an Army family story. Again Ann Marie, thank you and I will keep you and our soliders and their struggling families in my prayers.
January 21, 2013 at 8:59 pm
I admire your bravery in sharing this post and this part of your life journey. You and your family will be in my prayers!
Jessica recently posted..5 years
January 21, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Anne Marie, when I went public with my sons struggles with alcoholism and addiction last year it was a very hard thing to do but it was also one of the best decisions I made. Not only did it help me to connect with others who had been there and lived through it, but it also let people know that even though a family looks perfect from the outside, things are not always what they appear to the public. So many people with similar issues have since been in my living room talking and sharing but only because I didn’t try to hide what we were experiencing.
I doubt that anyone goes through years and years of marriage without struggles and low points. Military families suffer more than most, esp. those with members in high deployment situations. I pray that you and your husband are able to work through this. If you do, trust me that you will come out so much stronger on the other side of this. When love is easy we learn nothing. When love is forged in fire we learn just how resilient it can make us as a couple. This might sound like odd advice but during one particularly dark period in our marriage my husband and I found that walking the dog at night was good therapy. The darkness of night made it easier to talk somehow and since we had to be aware of where we were walking, we could talk without really looking at each other! It sounds counterintuitive but sometimes it’s easier to say things without direct eye contact and the darkness of night sometimes softened hard truths or maybe it just gave us time to process it before we returned home. For future reference, this works really well with teenagers also!
Bless you and your family. Know that you are helping others by being public about this. Know that you are not alone. Know that marriages can get through some pretty rough times. Know that above all, your family comes first and that includes your marriage. And hopefully, through all of this, both of you will remember what brought you together in the first place.
Here’s to the years when valentines meant something and to the return of those years.
Julanne i recently posted..Weekly Photo Challenge: Illumination
January 22, 2013 at 12:10 am
Ann Marie,
WOW. What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing your amazing story and inspiring so many others. You are a hero my dear.
xoxox
Koko @ Koko Likes recently posted..Fancy Food Show
January 22, 2013 at 8:28 am
Been through this exact thing with my Army husband of 24 years more than once. Marriage counseling did help and the impartial counselor was invaluable. Just know you aren’t alone and if you persevere, things will get better. My grandmother (who was married to a WW2 vet who was gone for four years) told me something 20 years ago that I’ve never forgotten and it has helped me understand my own marriage. “Marriages ebb and flow. Sometimes the ebb can last a long time – like years. If you stick with it, marital happiness can return and be even better than before.” And you know, she was right!
January 22, 2013 at 1:05 pm
We’re all here for you. Army Wives, unite!
But in all seriousness, thank you for your honesty. I think people expect everything to be rosy perfect at the end of a deployment and don’t realize that it’s HARD to reintegrate. Good luck to you all in navigating through this.
Cliare recently posted..I Cheated
January 22, 2013 at 4:19 pm
I love this and cannot thank you enough for writing it.
January 24, 2013 at 9:29 am
I have to admit we had our own little struggle after reintegration. It took the Mr. and I a lot longer than it seemed to take other people. We fought a lot, weren’t bonding and never seemed to be close anymore. Counseling is a huge help and I also recommend devotionals of some sort (even if you want something non-religious). They really helped us to reconnect. My husband’s reasons for his behavior were similar to your husband’s. We needed to search and find out what to do. I’ll be keeping your family in my prayers. The level of honesty in this post takes guts, but I really felt I could connect to it. Thank you.
Sarah recently posted..I know I’ve been a little MIA…