It was one of those rare conversations with my mom that lasted more than a 15 minute check in, how ya doin, kids ok, love you, have a great day, byebye. She is an emergency room nurse with a wacky rotating schedule and with three kids at home, sometimes I feel like my schedule is as unpredictable. So our conversations although pretty frequent (once or twice a week) are usually brief, information sharing with a little humor mixed in.
So back to our conversation. We were talking about my childhood dreams of owning a farm some day that inner city kids could come stay for summer camp to learn how to collect chicken eggs, weed a garden, and pick sugar peas straight off the vine. About the years of education and studying that I haven’t used in 8 years besides a sidebar mention in conversation. About the hundreds of hours I volunteered in our last community and how I don’t even know which direction to begin here. The school, the military community, my neighborhood, and simply our home. It’s been two months and there are still too many boxes for comfort in the garage.
She interrupted my rambling. ”So what has been your goal for the last 7 years since Jacob was born?”
I sighed.
“To not go crazy coping with all of these deployments, and moves, and wacky transitions and raise our children to be responsible adults who will be considerate of others and understand there are consequences for your actions.”
Mom – “And have you succeeded?”
Me – “Well they aren’t out of the house yet!” Only eleventy billion years to go until that happens…
Mom – “Think about it. Ever since you and Seth decided that you would be a stay at home mom for your children, your primary goal has been parenting. All that other stuff? It’s just extra. Why can’t you see that you are already a success?”
My mind was racing. But. But. But. But. I could be doing things better. I could be more organized. I could have a color coded meal plan. I could have been tutoring my children in German. I could have. I could have. I could have. ”I don’t feel like I’m succeeding…”
“Look at your children. They are kind. They are funny.
They are happy. They test limits. They feel safe.
You are succeeding.”
Somehow in the midst of 3 deployments, 3 babies, and moving around the globe, I had lost some perspective.
It isn’t about making the most money, it’s about creating something of worth.
It isn’t about having a perfect house, it’s about sustaining a sense of home wherever you are.
It isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about preserving relationships of value.
It isn’t about measuring up, it’s about enjoying the work in progress.
And really? When it comes down to it?
Failure – is giving up.
Success – is what happens when you just. keep. going.
September 1, 2012 at 9:01 am
Beautiful, Ann Marie. Really beautiful.
Well done, good mama!
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September 1, 2012 at 9:14 am
OMG!!! I love it!! Thank you for putting ME into perspective…looking for a job, for ‘extra’ money (just to spend), childcare for my Anna and getting Matt in school safe and sound…blah…and then UNPACKING AGAIN!!!! As I look around our ‘new home’ (again) I am HAPPY (internally and emotionally) and can breathe a sigh of relief..we made it, we’re safe, sound and happy. The kids are content with their bedrooms…hubby is happy and can breathe again, we’re settling in! I guess I’m pretty dang successful too..LOL PS and Ann Marie…I wanna be YOU when I grow up! xo
September 1, 2012 at 9:25 am
So true, so well said. I needed a good does of perspective this morning! Thanks!
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September 1, 2012 at 9:29 am
Bless you, Dear One! The Lord smiles when He sees the great work your doing with your kiddos (and way beyond) day in and day out.
A big hug.
PS: Using your degree(s) is overrated. Kevin and I are both sure of it.
Never wasted, for sure. He’ll use it for His glory someday and it may just surprise you how.
September 1, 2012 at 10:55 am
Your mom is very wise. I’d also have to say, “haven’t you already started doing your other dream just in a different way? Helping to start a community garden in Germany…which means you introduced children and adults to the joy of gardening and fresh vegetables that they helped produce…for a long time to come. You are inspiring others to pay attention to the simple joys of family and the present EVERY time you post a blog. You are building skills that you will later be able to apply if you choose to create a farm for inner city children…when you settle down some day.It really is about enjoying the process as it evolves…daily life!
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September 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Beautiful, friend.
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September 1, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Love this post. Sometimes it’s hard to see what good you’re doing when you’re in the midst of it all.
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September 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm
I love this post. It even made me tear up a little bit. I’m going to tweet it just so I can go back and find it occasionally to reread when things suck.
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September 1, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Thank you for this post! Sometimes I feel like I should be doing more, more, more, when I’m doing so much already – raising our baby.
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September 1, 2012 at 9:19 pm
There is always more to be done. I often feel far behind. But am always surprised to hear others say so. Years ago when I was over seas and wishing I had more time for “real” things that “grown ups” do my mother reminded me that what I was doing was real, and the most important thing I could be doing for myself, my children and my family, and to always try to appreciate it, because it would not last forever. Our Moms are so wise.
September 2, 2012 at 7:04 pm
I OFTEN feel this way, but strongly believe that happy, healthy children and parents are worth much more in the long run than being voted cleanest house in the neighborhood.
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September 4, 2012 at 6:23 am
So, wonderfully said! Can you thank your mom for me? You both helped me regain my perspective today!
September 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm
This. So this.
Always this.
The feeling of failure.
The knowing that David and I are headed into a world we. don’t. know.
The leaving the Army.
The not knowing what comes next…
The relying on my parents until what comes next actually happens…
I laugh because I lost sight of “green enough for me.” I lost sight of what matters… I don’t even really know that I know what matters…
I stress over paychecks and a roof and having stuff-
And I feel like I don’t know what it feels like to just be content anymore.
I know it’ll come… I know to not worry, to let the stress go.
I know to trust…
But. But. But…
It’s always there. Nagging.
Miss you, friend. xo.
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September 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm
Are you KIDDING me? I wish I could have HALF the energy you have and accomplish half the things that you have accomplished. But besides that….LOL….
you have it right…esp. #3
It isn’t about making the most money, it’s about creating something of worth.
It isn’t about having a perfect house, it’s about sustaining a sense of home wherever you are.
It isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about preserving relationships of value.
It isn’t about measuring up, it’s about enjoying the work in progress
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September 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm
I don’t even know you and I can tell you are a wonderful mother. I completely agree with you when you said “…raise our children to be responsible adults who will be considerate of others and understand there are consequences for your actions.” I think it’s wonderful that you didn’t say something that is so cliche, you actually wrote something that is incredibly realistic and important. I just came across your blog in the last few days, and I have enjoyed being able to read through blog posts here and there of yours. Especially the ones about deployment. It brings comfort in knowing my feelings, and thoughts don’t stand alone even if there isn’t anyone near by to hear them.
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September 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm
I really resonated with this. At times I look at the goals I once set for myself, and start to feel like a failure. But, I’m so blessed to be home with my little one, raising to her to be bright and strong. Yes, my life goals have changed, but life is all the more beautiful for it! I’m exactly where God wants me to be, and that is a beautiful thing!
September 17, 2012 at 11:47 am
totally love this post
September 17, 2012 at 11:20 pm
Hi Ann,
Got to yr blog frm blogher….amazing read, wud like to meet yr mom smeday, i m sure she is a fantastic mom to u
September 21, 2012 at 6:53 am
Ann–sometimes we really need our moms to put it all in perspective. Add to your list of accomplishments that you are a gifted writer who captures the beauty in our military lives. Well done.
September 21, 2012 at 7:31 am
Well said! (Moms are pretty wise……)
September 21, 2012 at 11:45 am
This is one of the most precious things I’ve ever read. So many moms are going to be so glad they stumbled upon this. Oh, Ann Marie, the irony of you talking to your mother about not being able to gauge the success of your job as a mother is so sweet I’m gonna get a cavity!
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September 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Great post! and great perspective. We all can benefit from hearing this now and again.
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October 10, 2012 at 2:56 am
I like what you said about success. It is truly what happens when you just keep going. Giving up ain’t an option.
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