When my husband returns from a long separation, there is a predictable season called “The Honeymoon”.
During these first few days, the time spent together is almost completely euphoric.
And then. The first bump in the road comes along.
When Seth redeployed (came home) from his second 12 month deployment, Jacob was 10 months old.
We had been married about 10 months when he left so we still had a lot to learn about marriage and communication.
He had been home a few days when we had our first disagreement.
And you’ll never guess what it was about….
My beloved husband…
who was just trying to help…
had loaded. the dishwasher. WRONG.
I had lived alone for 12 months.
I always put the dishes to the right.
I always put the pots to the left.
I always put the mugs in the bottom rack.
I always put the bowls in the upper rack.
I always loaded the bowls from front to back.
And suddenly… there was someone in my space and they were messing with my life!
I let all of my pent up frustration and anger out in an instant.
You can’t tell me what to do.
I’ve been living my life this way for a year.
How dare you come home and tell me to load the silverware upside down.
You have no idea what it’s like to do this by myself day after day.
What do you know – you never did any dishes downrange!
Do you KNOW what it’s LIKE to be alone for so long?
Do you KNOW what it’s LIKE to be a MOM 24/7 for 10 MONTHS!!!!
And understandably so – he became very defensive and angry too.
It was a yelling, crying, slamming cabinet doors, fight.
I was so freaked out that I insisted we sign up for marriage counseling.
At the end of the second session, our counselor took off his glasses and placed them neatly on his desk.
You two realize that you have normal communication problems right?
You don’t have a fraction of the challenges I counsel folks about.
You just need to learn how to communicate better as a married couple.
I remember walking out of the mental health clinic with a completely new perspective.
I had been so worried about things NOT working that at the first bump in the road I dialed 911.
But that’s ok.
Military life with deployments isn’t easy.
But we all need a little reassurance that in spite of life’s challenges – sometimes we are also pretty normal too.
What bumps in the road have you faced in your marriage?
What is the biggest challenge you had when learning to live together again?
January 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I love this post! We have had the same argument time and time again lol
All of dishes. We’ve compromised now, but getting to that was an interesting ride. 
January 19, 2012 at 7:31 pm
I love this post! My husband is getting ready to go on his 2nd deployment and I’m already not looking forward to the reintegration to follow it and he hasn’t even left yet! When he came home from his first deployment, the hardest thing we faced was him trying to find his place again with us. He had spent the previous 12 months with his “buddies” and gone through so much with them that they had become his family as well and he just wasn’t used to not hanging out with them every spare moment anymore. Getting him to be an active participant in home life was a huge challenge that took time. Here’s to another deployment and new “adventures” so to speak!
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January 24, 2012 at 2:50 am
I love this post. I know communication is probably the root of most marital strife. I know I have a hard time communicating. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be apart for so long and then expect for my husband to come back and “fit” back into life.
Can’t remember if I’ve ever commented, but I’m a faithful reader. I am so thankful for you and all the military families and all that is sacrificed.
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