My husband has never been a man to sit still.
He has to be constantly doing something.
This personality trait also makes him a fantastic husband.
If I cook and set everything out for dinner, he takes the lead afterwards by doing the dishes.
Because we have small children, there is always a short period of time where he ‘watches’
to see what routines have changed and what the new limits are for their behavior.
Which means all of that “cannot sit still” behavior gets channeled into behavior like this…
And this…
Which is usually accompanied by faces like this…
And if I leave him alone long enough…
I might have the luxury of seeing my reflection in the faucet 3 or more times…
Believe it or not, this behavior used to FRUSTRATE me.
After spending so much time cleaning the house from top to bottom before his homecoming, I felt almost insulted.
Like I hadn’t cleaned the house “to standard”.
It took some time to realize, this was his way of saying “I love you.
I know you haven’t had time to do these things while I’m away because your priorities are in the right place.
You are caring for our children. the car. the bills. the cooking. AND the cleaning.
So let me do this for you – because I finally can.”
This was also his way of trying to feel normal again.
By doing normal things like cleaning the kitchen counter and doing dishes,
he felt like was contributing to our home, but still not interfering in our routine.
How does your husband cope with stress during reintegration?
What are some things you’ve grown to appreciate about your spouse over the years?
(Things that drove you crazy at first, but now you understand.)
January 20, 2012 at 1:17 pm
My husband makes the bed every morning. Quite frankly I could care less if it’s made or not. I mean really, who sees our bedroom except us? And when he’s deployed, who sees it except me? But when he’s home he has to make that bed each and every morning, sometimes kicking me out of bed just to get it made. It drives me nuts, but he has to do it because it’s his part. I completely understand.
January 20, 2012 at 1:27 pm
My husband hasnt been deployed yet as he is still in training but I have a few friends who have husbands that did the same thing! I imagine its frustrating at first because you get so used to doing everything by yourself and when someone jumps in to do your ‘job’ it would take some getting used to!
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January 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm
We we are so new to the military so we haven’t had our first deployment yet. I can’t imagine my husband cleaning like that. I know when he got to live with me after BMT it was a little odd. The new routine. He was (and still is) really funny about his uniforms. He’d have to wash them, even though I did it the exact same way he did. He’s relaxed a lot since then.
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January 20, 2012 at 1:42 pm
ha ha. i agree, i would have felt insulted as well. i’m trying to remember now what my husband did when he got home other than sleep a lot. he did complain that my almost 3 year old was playing with toys for 3 and up. i almost took his head off. you try telling little sister she can’t play barbies with her big sister…
January 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm
MAY I BORROW YOUR HUSBAND??????????????????????????
January 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I adore it. ADORE IT. My husband is the same way – comes home and IMMEDIATELY sets out to pitch in. God love ‘em, our hubby’s would get along FAMOUSLY. Can you move to Texas now? Please?
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January 20, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Sometimes it’s as if you are blogging about my life! My husband is the same way. I’ve only dealt with it when he comes home from work or on weekends so that’s small scale. But deployment is coming and I KNOW we are going to go through the exact same thing.
Kristi recently posted..The Venus Fly Trap Episode
January 20, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Reintegration is ALWAYS hard. But I could only WISH for my husband to clean obsessively. There’s a lot more relaxation and beer drinking around here. Which he of course deserves! But cleaning? No.
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January 20, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Your blog makes me feel so much better. I thought it was only me. I feel the same way, now if i could only get my husband to check your blog more often then his email, i think we would be in great shape.
Love ya doll face! — Mrs Gonzalez =)
January 20, 2012 at 2:44 pm
This sounds exactly like my husband! When he came home he did the laundry, cleaned the floors, cooked dinner, etc. He actually ended up going in to work (he’s National Guard) at his civilian job 3 days after coming home because he needed to be active! And I too believe it was his way of trying to help out and take care of things for me finally. After a few days of this and me asking him why he was doing so much he said, “You had the harder job while I was away. Now I can do this for you and give you a break.” Love that man
The New “Normal” recently posted..12 in 2012
January 20, 2012 at 2:47 pm
HAHAHAHA…so I wonder if he’s making that face at you because you are following him around with a camera??? Because mine would stop cleaning until I stopped taking his picture. LOL
As far as things that drive me crazy about my hubby….hmmmm, he seems oblivious to the fact that I hate that he leaves his dirty clothes next to the bed (I stopped picking them up years ago unless I need to fill a load of that color or want to vacuum there). He also puts his shoes along the wall next to the bed (at least you can’t see the floor on his side of the bed when you walk into the room). Oh and he changes my radio station in the van. And if you need more answers, you’ll have to wait until the next time I have PMS…I am sure I’ll have more. LOL.
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January 20, 2012 at 3:11 pm
This story made me laugh and cry at the same time. It’s so sweet! My hubby is also a cleaner (which I am very grateful for). You two have a beautiful relationship
By the way, where did you get your dishes? (The cute old-fashioned looking ones) They’re adorable!
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January 20, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Gregg sleeps. Then shops. Then watches movies and movies and movies. Then sleeps.
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January 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Truer words were never spoken, they do it because they can! My husband would push himself to do stuff he physically wasn’t able to but you just can’t (don’t) say anything because it’s a way for them to celebrate being able to do it.
I really wish I had known about milspouse blogs (especially yours) when my husband was in the Middle East, it would have made the world of difference to know we weren’t alone in all of that.
January 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I can see the frustrating part from your end but the sweet caring heart he has.
January 20, 2012 at 8:23 pm
My husband did the SAME THING when he came home from his first deployment last year. It drove me INSANE. He couldn’t just sit still and enjoy time with me, he had to be up and doing something. He’d do the laundry, clean the house and all I wanted was for him to sit on the couch and hang out with me. It took me quite a while {probably longer than it should have} to realize that he wasn’t used to so much free time and that he was doing it FOR ME, not because he thought I hadn’t done something correctly. Oh, the joys of reintegration!
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January 21, 2012 at 8:40 am
Yep. Mine does the same! I also used to feel so insulted and get my feelings hurt, but the truth is he just HAS to be doing SOMETHING, especially those first few weeks. So he finds stuff to do!
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