Just keep swimming

December 20, 2010

Military Life, Reintegration, Uncategorized

Have you ever felt like every time you turn around there’s another fire to put out?
I’ve felt like that a few times in the last few months.

In August, when we were preparing for Seth to go away for a month-long training exercise -
We found out we would be moving in September.

So while Seth was away, I coordinated the details of movers, changing utilities, and childcare -
Thinking that if I got all of it done while he was away we could spend quality time when he got home.

Instead he came home and focused on our storage room that was literally packed to the ceiling.
And we argued about ridiculous things because we were both so stressed.
We didn’t have a chance to reconnect because we were so busy.

And then he left again for month.
Which was fine. Everything was just fine.
Everything was under control. And that’s just fine right?

But when he came home the second time this fall, we had our toughest reunion thus far.
Because even though he had been home -
I was stuck in deployment mode.
It was the only way I knew how to cope with all the stress.
Which means I had been emotionally disconnected for over 3 months.

Seth on the other hand, just acted like everything was normal.
I haven’t been away that long. This isn’t reintegration. What are you talking about.

But I was frustrated. frustrated with the move. frustrated with the kids. frustrated with the Army. frustrated with the utilities. frustrated with Germany. frustrated with sharing a vehicle. and frustrated with my husband.

Why do I always have to help our children cope?
Why do I always have to help my soldier cope?
Why can’t it just be about how I’m feeling for once?

One evening during that first week, I called a dear friend of mine in tears.
Why is this so hard? Shouldn’t all of this get easier?
How many times have we done this? What is wrong with me?

All she did was encourage me. You can do this. It never gets easier. I am proud of you.
And pray with me. Heavenly Father – Watch over my friend. Bless her marriage. Give her strength.

It has taken a long time for our family to bounce back from this.
To be on the same page with the discipline of our children.
To feel like a couple again
For me to feel like Ann Marie again.
Not just feel like “the wife” or “the mom” or “the one taking care of everything around me”

Why am I sharing all of this with you?

Writing is wonderful therapy – Photography is my stress relief – and blogging combines the two.

It’s become a wonderful venue for me to look at my life -
and chose to be positive or even laugh about stressful situations.
(Remember this modern Rosie the Riveter moment?)

But sometimes there isn’t a positive side.
Sometimes it’s just plain difficult.
And that’s ok too.

So call a good friend and vent.
Plan a shopping trip with some friends for Polish Pottery.
Find a babysitter and go enjoy an evening of dinner and dancing with your husband.
And if your husband is away, it is even more important that you take care of yourself.

Life is one big ocean of opportunity and challenges – but we always have choices.

We can sink. or just keep swimming.