Seth has been packing in preparation for some training…
Which means a few more weeks of separation for our family is coming…
This one is only for a few weeks, so we’ll be just fine.
But honestly? I find myself already preparing to ride the 12 month deployment roller coaster.
Have you ever been on a roller coaster?
You know how at the beginning of the ride?
The bar comes down on your lap…
and then the chain starts pulling you up a big hill?
Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click…
I look out over the amusement park and think “Oh what a beautiful view from up here!
This is going to be exhilarating!” but a lump starts to form in my stomach.
“But it’s ok – Really. This ride was built by trained professionals. Plenty of people have been through this before. I even rode a similar one 18 months ago with two kids – and pregnant with a third… Remember? And everything turned out ok.” and I look over the architectural mess that is the spiral turns, somersaults, and flips that are all to familiar…
writing hundreds of letters to maintain our marriage.
taking too many pictures of children’s milestones.
helping little hands make Xs on the calendar.
explaining again that I miss Daddy too.
holidays. birthdays. anniversaries.
About halfway up that first hill – I want to change my mind.
“Ok – I know I’ll be fine. I was fine the last time. But really – I don’t wanna do this again. Can I get off?
Is there an emergency break? Can ANYONE HEAR ME?!?!”
But I don’t say a word about my fears.
I just keep chatting with my children and encouraging folks around me. “Don’t worry little ones – we are going to have fun together! Oh hi! Have you every been on a roller coaster before? Let me know if you have any questions! Don’t worry friend – we’ll get through this together!”
Suddenly we are at the pinnacle. Time stands still. It is the last few days before they leave and the first few days they’re gone. I am numb. I am telling my young children everything is just fine. My stomach feels like a 10 pound rock. I’m fine really I’m fine.
And then the wild ride begins. There’s no turning back.
There are great days. There are bad days.
I get to hear his voice. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve heard from him.
I get the entire bed to myself. But I just can’t get comfortable.
I tickle my children until they laugh. I fight tears of my own when they cry for their Daddy.
I fell in love with a soldier. And I will follow him to the ends of the earth.
Yes, I chose this life – but I am human.
And there are moments on the roller coaster ride of deployments and separations
that I would really like to just close my eyes, grit my teeth, and hang on tight until its over.
But instead you will see me holding my hands up in the air -
Laughing, screaming, trying to catch my breath…
and encouraging others to stay positive and enjoy the view!
…
Have you ever been separated from your spouse?
How do you feel during the months/weeks before a long separation?
Seth and I usually bicker over ridiculous things – this week it was about laundry.
November 22, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Anna-Marie,
I’m so glad I found your blog! My husband recently re-uped from NG to Active and will be leaving sometime after the Holidays for training. I love your roller coaster analogy. Although we haven’t had the roller coaster of deployment yet we were long distance while we were dating and engaged not to mention random training sessions. We’ve been married a year and a half now and the idea of being separated again for months at a time is starting to scare me. Although, at the same time I just want to start the ride already. The anticipation is draining! I hope and pray that the rest of the ride is smooth and goes by quickly for you and your little ones.
Thanks again for being a role model and for the advice with military life. It’s helped a lot:)
-rebekah