Stuck at home or Stay at home Mom

February 19, 2010

Lately – I have been feeling stuck… trapped… burdened…
(Stay with me now – this post has a heart warming ending I promise!)

Days where SAHM really means STUCK At Home Mom.

When my husband and I were newly married,
we decided I would be a stay home mom.
It was something we both wanted for our children.
And I have no regrets about this decision.

This month, my husband is in away training, (gotta love the Army) , which makes me somewhat of a single parent. (Note: I mean no offense to those who are – it’s just a way of describing life right now.)

Last week, I slept 6 out of 7 nights on the couch, alternating between holding a feverish/coughing child and nursing my 5 month old baby girl. As one got better, another got sick – so it was a long week of little sleep and serious coffee intake for Mom!

I realize too, the military lifestyle of moving around the world, can compound these situations because there is no Grandma or Auntie to call. No girlfriend across town you’ve known since high school to come take your healthy kid, so you can nurse the sick ones.

You need to be self sufficient. Yes – We have each other to depend on – but even then (if you’re like me), you wait until the last possible moment when you really need it.

Bottom line – Sick children are part of life. I know this.
But it was both physically and emotionally exhausting for me.

I felt…

incredibly…

STUCK…

This week, I decided to volunteer to be a delegate for the Army Family Action Plan Conference. (This is an annual brainstorming meeting where constructive ideas, and suggested changes to policy, are generated to submit to the Department of the Army.)

I confess — I volunteered partly because they were offering to cover 2 days of child care.
(WOOT WOOT! A Time OUT for THIS Theta Mama!!!)

However… Two days of getting my children and I up, dressed, fed, nursed, packed, and out the door by 730 was an eye opening experience! Wow – I was humbled by the idea that working Moms have to do this every. single. day. Then when it was time to pick them up, I had to make dinner, serve dinner, clean up dinner, and then only about 45 minutes was left to spend together before it was time to go to bed. They were tired. I was tired. It was perspective building.

By attending this conference, I can also admit – it felt really good to have my ideas be seriously considered. To be respected for my intelligent thoughts outside of how to get my picky eater to consume some protein or how to multitask making dinner, nursing the baby, and entertaining my preschoolers at the same time.

It was both gratifying and extra work all at the same time.

So – This morning, after everyone was up, fed, wiped, and dressed,
Mommy finally had a chance to go potty…

I took Maggie with me so they boys could continue riding their scooters in the hallway. As I was making silly faces at her, I heard a loud CRASH. “Are you alright?”. I hear my two year old crying. “Come here William – tell Mommy what happened.”

My little boy comes around the corner walking on his heels saying
“Toooe… ” sniffle, sniffle… “Huuuts…” sniffle, sniffle…

So I pull him into my lap and kiss it all better.

Then Jacob comes bounding down the hall “EWWW Mommy! It’s stinky in here! I’m going to sit right here next to you. Say Hi to WallE [imaginary friend]. He came to play playdough with me! Can we play playdough when you are all done?….”

In the midst of my 4 year old’s running monologue, my 2 year old’s sniffles, and my baby’s adorable coos and squeals… I realized…

I had missed this…

And yes – this can be utterly exhausting…
but I wanted this…

And yes I could have a career and perhaps make more money for our household…
but I choose this…

And I don’t feel stuck any more…
because I realized what I would be missing…